It’s been a month or so, my blog changed from a feelings, thoughts & experiences journal, to an endless narration of flirting and one-night-stands.
It’s not a secret, I like flirting, and I remember me liking it every since I was a teenager. Although I didn’t exercise it a lot. Maybe that’s why I’m over-doing it: I come from a country where hooking up is not that common, or, maybe where I wasn’t that popular. Repressed wishes.
The fact that I’m blogging about it in detail only last weeks, doesn’t mean it just started of course. I am essentially single almost TWO years now, and the few times I thought I’d let go and fall for, I regretted.
Most of the times, the girls I like, don’t like me back, or are not mature enough or old enough to want a ‘serious’ thing.
Of course, when you hunt young blondes you don’t have much chances to begin with, but it’s not really something I decide – you either like someone or you don’t.
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that, when you throw yourself out there, it’s not always fireworks and fairy tales. I have had my moral crushed several times, and each time hurts more than the previous one. I tend to react when that happens. I’m becoming more cynic with time. I trust less easily and evaluate faster how fucked-up a situation is. And I judge people with the same strictness they judge me. As a general rule, the more people you meet, the greater the chances are that you meet a bitch and an asshole. And I’ve had my share of bitches alright.
Result? I lose my respect for the other gender, day after day after day.
PLUS, Aside from all the partying and the flirting, I am lonely. I sleep alone and wake up alone. I cook & eat alone. And that’s what matters. The endless moving has aspects I had not considered:
1/ I feel a foreigner : As well as I speak the language and try to integrate, I am always a foreigner- and as I don’t make local friends and girlfriends, I become less and less integrated.
2/ I have no real friends : Almost all the people I met these past couple of years live in a different country now. And even when we lived in the same country we never had a real connection. I made one good friend back in France – that’s it. I realized how fun it is to hang out with people that you know and know you this weekend that I had a greek friend over from Greece. (maybe my only one left)
That’s where random girls come and fill the void.
Regardless, I already had decided to post more diverse subjects. I have some custom recipes and some book and film reviews for you readers. Maybe I can mix all that with flirting.
I am still the same man. I have a thirst for love and I believe in “the one very special person”. I think I ought to myself to keep looking for it: People say don’t search too much, it will happen. That’s bullshit. It won’t happen if you don’t make it happen. You can be NOT desperate and still on the look.
My last lesson is to be patient. I might move too fast and scare them away. I followed some advice and it seems it’s working. I won’t post about it unless I have something concrete. If you don’t hear for that again consider it another failed story.
