The fake Buddha
They use the words “energy” “positive” and “vibe” all the time. Of course they have no idea about the actual meaning of “energy” – eastern philosophies and such – . They just read it in the latest Cosmo or heard Carrie Bradshaw talking about it in the latest Sex & The City movie. Discussion between girls: One of them is chubby, so she can’t catch a break in her dating life. The advice her girlfriends give her? “BE POSITIVE!” “SMILE” and it will happen. HELL IT WONT! The advice they should actually give her: “LOSE 20 kilos and stop eating burgers you fatty !”
The “s/he’s my friend”
Don’t you meet people who start talking about people they know – but like ALL THE TIME? They know everyone, and they have one friend for each conversation subject. They know a director, an actor, a guy working in your company, or the guy who OWNS your company, the ex-girlfriend of the owner of your favourite restaurant and bla bla bla. THE TRUTH: They may have said “hi” to all these people. Best case scenario they have shared couple of hours. STOP USING THE WORD FRIEND FOR ANY RANDOM PEOPLE YOU SHAKE HANDS WITH.
The “I’m direct and honest”
They mention it really early in the conversation. It makes a good impression to know you’re talking about someone who speaks his mind. AND THEN SHIT START TO HAPPEN. You met like 1 hour ago, and they go:
“Hey why are you wearing black all the time” – “Uhm.. you’ve seen me just twice, remember?”.
The remarks increase geometrically with time, at some point you really start to worry:
“Shit, she might is right. I am wearing too much black clothes lately. And hey maybe this haircut is not the best – shit, am I thinning on top !?” – HEY WAIT A MINUTE !
You are FAT and UGLY – How come YOU are the one who makes the remarks?!
I’m direct and honest usually means I have no manners, and I lack sensitivity and diplomacy. Everyone likes people who speak their mind, but you don’t wake up someone by throwing a bucket of cold water in his face, you give him a friendly tap on the shoulder and wait for Five minutes.
The “No, it’s not me who’s fat, you’re just wearing the wrong eye glasses”
Directly related to the previous category of -let’s call them- “people”, these ones are so insecure with themselves that have passed to a level where instead of feeling bad about themselves, they prefer to make you feel bad about yours. They wear their “I’m good with myself” mask and go out searching for victims. Seriously – these people are DANGEROUS, avoid them with any means. They can be pure evil as they have usually no limits whatsoever. They will scan you for soft spots and step on them with their giant huge FEET (cause usually they’re fat).
