This week, I had flash backs from 2008. It’s being more than a year or more I had flashbacks that intense. I recall and revive moments, you know what moments I am talking about. Dialogues, images, fights, memories. I am not analyzing of course, I did these analysis so many times, so many times over and over and over again. I just miss the good parts. All the good parts. No, come to think of it, I even  miss the bad parts. Oh shit, I don’t know.

There’s one person who I think can write over all that.

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Last couple of days my mind has been flirting with the idea of moving – again. It would be hell of a good experience, added value to my CV and would put the small cherry – on top of the big cherry – on top of the cake which writes :

“HEY PEOPLE, I GOT NEWS: I FINALLY MADE IT LIVING ABROAD – TO THREE DIFFERENT COUNTRIES!”

It’s really early, so I wouldn’t bet on me leaving – or when would that be. But I know that I’m still at an age I can move around. And (as you all readers suppose know) I am single, so I can take decisions just by.. myself.

Greece didn’t qualify for the World Cup’s 16 best teams Pretty bummed. Especially if your daily routine is .. average, you need some good news to be happy again.

Which brings us to: my daily routine. Which is.. a routine.

Each day I wake up around the same time – as everybody else -, have the same breakfast, hear more or less the same things on TV/radio, dress up, take the metro, change to the tram, arrive at the station, turn left, go up, turn right, down the big stairs, take the badge of my backpack, enter the big turning door, slide the badge on the badge scanner, go across the end of the big hallway, to the left, turn right to the elevators, call the elevator, wait from 5 to 20 seconds depending on the day, enter, hit FLOOR 15, go off the elevator, scan my badget to the door, enter the offices, drop my backback hang my leather coat, sit on my chair, say hi to the guy sitting next to me..

Thankfully the guy sitting next to me is actually a really cool cool guy (as actually many other colleagues are!), 50 years old, from the Netherlands, and he has quite some stories to tell this guy. I hope I have as many as he does when I’m at his age.

What was I saying? Ah yes, my routine. So yes, and after a day of not so exciting work, take my stuff and do the exact same route back home.

Include a weekend with a couple of night-outs and some beers, and there you have it. Ok I might be exagerating a bit – AS ALWAYS ! -

This weekend I might be going out of Brussels again.. Shopping or pre-shopping as the sales kick in soon. I’m still keeping my promise not to date if there’s nothing interesting, and tomorrow I might be going to my second running session, I hope I last more than 10 minutes this time.

Now off to sleep !

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Remember how I wrote about the root of all evil being the constant hunt of dates? Well, it seems I was wright.

Saturday I got up refreshed after a good night’s sleep – finally – and decided to hit the train to ANTWERP -alone-. I loved the city, what’s not to love about it anyway? It was CLEANER, TRENDIER, lot more HIP than Brussels. Thing which confirm my fears: There’s better than Brussels for sure. But more on that later.

Had some lunch there, and came back to Brussels early afternoon to go to the Fete De La Musique. As I had written, a friend of mine was ‘setting me up’ with a friend of his, a Belgian girl. Or, better, woman. She was cute, but bit too old for me. (+11 years older) And looks-wise, blonde, but, seems she didn’t get valuable experience throughout the years when it comes to clothing! I mean, I don’t like “All-stars” generally, but, on a 37 yrd old, I think everyone will agree with me there are better options for a first impression. She facebooked me after the date and asked me out, I initially thought “why not”, but then again I remembered what I had promised myself: No useless dating. (definition of useless: going out with people you really don’t feel something special in the air)

I felt so relaxed throughout the weekend, cause I didn’t really care about dates, text messages, and all that charade. Today I went running – shit – I am really not in shape I hope I don’t abandon this soon. Won’t be easy in the beginning.

And these little moments that I couldn’t resist my temptations and texted girls who I knew are far from being ‘the women of my life’ , I regretted.

I am indeed taking more time for MYSELF, and I am indeed taking a distance from useless dating. But I won’t abandon my private life just because I met the wrong people.

I have being told that I categorise too much, and maybe that’s true, but I am so often right. For example, after three months in Belgium, I do begin to slowly understand the dating habits here. Of course, it is a mystery, as it is not the same as in France (or Greece).

And what do I realize? I need to forget any chance about getting involved with a Local Belgian. Unfortunately their view of things is so different from mine. I can’t break it down just yet, but to cut a long story short, they.. follow the ‘busy’ model. Unless you are looking for a one-nighter, initial phases of dating can take weeks, or months. At least that’s the impression I have. And you’re heading towards several ‘calendar discussions’ as I use to call them:

“Are you free Thursday?”

“No, but I’m available Saturday!”

“Oh, I can’t make it on Saturday, I got this thing. Let’s fix it for next week!”

Multiply that, add some more on top of it, and you got my dating story so far in Belgium. BOOOOOOOORING ! The funny part? Some of these same women will sleep with you at the same night you met them just with the right amount of alcohol. But then won’t want anything more. Isn’t it.. weird?!

I know I know, I have this fear now: If I can’t adapt to this (and I am sure I can’t).. How do I exactly plan on having a personal life?

I just hope for expatriates, the other foreigners. Besides, I can’t have a french-speaking relationship. Forget it.

So yeah, I am optimistic now, I focus on myself, in the good way, and I keep my eyes and ears open. I remain a MAN, thus, I am not sitting in my corner waiting for women to do the first step. But I don’t go out with just anybody, I really filter – but in a more essential way.

I know I’ll end up finding someone nice. They’ve told me not to be specific on my criteria, but I can’t help it. I know that in order for me to be able to stay with someone for a while, she should have just something.

I feel she’s coming closer, and I hope I don’t have to wait for her too long.

It’s 00:15 and tomorrow is a workday ! Next time I will post you about what do I think about Brussels what’s my plan for the months to come. Although I don’t really know what this is!:)

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I might be overdoing it sometimes with my fixations or obsessions or whatever you want to call it, but at least I’m self-conscious.

I have realized, since a very long time, that maybe the root of all evil – when it comes to unsuccessful dating – can be the effort of dating itself. My non-dating interests didn’t increase but decreased as I got older, and that’s not how it should be. I could say “who the fuck cares how it should be”, but I actually DO care. Why? Well cause all abuses and everything that goes over the top is a loss of balance in life. Ancient greeks said it, “Παν μέτρον αριστον” which sums up to.. well, don’t over do it.  (ok, I simplified

So, I will indeed try to cut back on my usual “hobbies” and focus on new ones. And in order not to jinx it, I will post about it as soon as I actually start doing something, and not before doing it.

Otherwise, I skipped the weekly open-air free-entrance party today. I figured not stuffing another 2 litters of beer in my system wouldn’t be THAT bad, I mean, let’s face it, drinking and flirting is not going away any-time soon. Today I felt as all of this is “SO LAST YEAR”. (plus I bet good money noone actually GETS LAID after these.) But to be completely honest, I went out last night, and I did massive amounts of all of that -my colleagues saw another side of me, as I got shit-faced and decided to try my chances with several Eastern European blondes-. (which remind me: I’ve never really hit on an Eastern European, and there’s definitely something strange about them.) My colleagues said they found me very brave. I bet they’re lying ( I would say bravely stupid). The highlight of the night was this one girl: Of course blonde etc etc, really nice outfit and slim style, I went over and started asking these general questions. When she said “I’m an intern”, I followed with “oh, and how long are you staying?”. And when she replied “two or three weeks more” I said “oh ok, was very nice meeting you, see you around!”. But enough bout that.

I watched a film that seriously MOVED me. The funny thing is that I had since like MONTHS and I didn’t want to watch it. It’s called “Paris” (just that) and it was out in 2008. There are many good French actors in it, including maybe the DEFINITION of a girl one would MADLY FALL IN LOVE FOR, Mélanie Laurent. I don’t think my words are enough to describe her, a photo doesn’t do justice as the real falling in love starts when she speaks, a typical perfect example of a French girl… there she is:

WHICH REMINDS ME: How sad is it, that French girls can be so feminine, so sweet, so witty.. and yet.. have such bad characters when it comes to real connection and next level.

I Bought new shooees ! yeei ! I actually had to order them cause they didn’t have my size, but I was so sure I was buying them. I just put them and the fit like a glove. It’s so my style. So, after this good purchase, I was quite happy with my life that I didn’t feel any guilt for skipping a bunch of tipsy blondes in the festival.

Tomorrow it’s the Fete de La musique, and I am probably going out and about, NO drinking as this beer belly is getting bigger and bigger, lots of walking, and a friend is setting me up with someone late afternoon. I KNOW I KNOW, I said no dating, but he offered, the girl looks good -photo wise-, she’s even older than me, sounds like a good one. A well preserved 30ish yr old blonde Belgian with taste in music and art – as my friend said – . Let’s see, with my history, I’m not really optimistic, but.. I’ll post about this tomorrow night – I guess – (If I don’t, start to worry)

Sleep tight folks

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The weekend that passed wasn’t let’s say one of the best ones. I did something that.. well, I shouldn’t. I was never really good with definitions, but I guess it’s more or less a one-night-stand. Only that it wasn’t at night. I was so hesitant that I was about to cancel the date couple of hours before. And I should have. You can call me a “girl” or whatever, but having sex with someone you’ve met only once is definitely 1/ NOT FUN 2/ AWKWARD 3/ Rather depressing after it happens 4/ You go really with guessing as you don’t know what the person likes.

Note to self: Forget one night stands. Clearly a sport not made for you. Actually not a good sport generally.

Anyway, I got into thinking after all that, and when thinking enters the game, sleep goes bye bye. So, the SNOWBALL effect, an average Friday, a bad decision on Saturday, screwed-up sleep next 3 days or so. All this for practically nothing.

I got a bit moody cause the girl wanted nothing more, which THEORETICALLY is ok -on paper-, cause I didn’t like her very much physically (Seriously, I can do much better), and her character wasn’t something I would normally be interested in. But Practically it wasn’t ok cause it wasn’t me who took the decision, so my ego took a big big hit. (boys understand me now). Meh, it’s alright, wont even remember her name in a week, I betcha’.

Last days at work I am SO tired and sleepy. Yes I do need holidays, all my collegues have taken some days here and there, I have been working NON-STOP since I started. I am thinking of taking one day or two within June or July, although I don’t know where to go and with whom. I’m bad at planning stuff this way. (or any way)

I also contacted the dutch girl. It’s funny, cause she might be reading this, and it would make sense to filter it out of the post. But wouldn’t be so true (blogwise). So, felt like seeing how she’s doing and all, mailed her asking her to meet, (since we tend to meet in every other event here and there), but I guess it might be awkward for her, so we’re leaving this to chance! Et voila!

What am I looking for then now? Well, Friday it’s the Apero’s fest, I’ve being staying ‘clean’ of booze all week so I deserve some fun. Let’s see if I ll run into the one-night stand girl, me likey play the ego game when in shape, so she’ll pay.

I think I’m goin’ Antwerp Saturday for shopping!

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The fake Buddha

They use the words “energy” “positive” and “vibe” all the time. Of course they have no idea about the actual meaning of “energy” – eastern philosophies and such – . They just read it in the latest Cosmo or heard Carrie Bradshaw talking about it in the latest Sex & The City movie. Discussion between girls: One of them is chubby, so she can’t catch a break in her dating life. The advice her girlfriends give her? “BE POSITIVE!” “SMILE” and it will happen. HELL IT WONT! The advice they should actually give her: “LOSE 20 kilos and stop eating burgers you fatty !”

The “s/he’s my friend”

Don’t you meet people who start talking about people they know – but like ALL THE TIME? They know everyone, and they have one friend for each conversation subject. They know a director, an actor, a guy working in your company, or the guy who OWNS your company, the ex-girlfriend of the owner of your favourite restaurant and bla bla bla. THE TRUTH: They may have said “hi” to all these people. Best case scenario they have shared couple of hours. STOP USING THE WORD FRIEND FOR ANY RANDOM PEOPLE YOU SHAKE HANDS WITH.

The “I’m direct and honest”

They mention it really early in the conversation. It makes a good impression to know you’re talking about someone who speaks his mind. AND THEN SHIT START TO HAPPEN. You met like 1 hour ago, and they go:

“Hey why are you wearing black all the time” – “Uhm.. you’ve seen me just twice, remember?”.

The remarks increase geometrically with time, at some point you really start to worry:

“Shit, she might is right. I am wearing too much black clothes lately. And hey maybe this haircut is not the best – shit, am I thinning on top !?” – HEY WAIT A MINUTE !

You are FAT and UGLY – How come YOU are the one who makes the remarks?!

I’m direct and honest usually means I have no manners, and I lack sensitivity and diplomacy. Everyone likes people who speak their mind, but you don’t wake up someone by throwing a bucket of cold water in his face, you give him a friendly tap on the shoulder and wait for Five minutes.

The “No, it’s not me who’s fat, you’re just wearing the wrong eye glasses”

Directly related to the previous category of -let’s call them- “people”, these ones are so insecure with themselves that have passed to a level where instead of feeling bad about themselves, they prefer to make you feel bad about yours. They wear their “I’m good with myself” mask and go out searching for victims. Seriously – these people are DANGEROUS, avoid them with any means. They can be pure evil as they have usually no limits whatsoever. They will scan you for soft spots and step on them with their giant huge FEET (cause usually they’re fat).

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Choosing to ignore problems that you know exist, causes even more problems.

I was always spontaneous, impatient, and a true believer of BLACK or WHITE in relationships of any kind.

The results of this “method” or better “view of things” or Life-philosophy, are not really good.

Do I complain once more?

No.

This time I am complaining for complaining.

I spend all this time trying to give answers to problems I created myself.

I have being engaged into situations of different kinds that a normal average IQ/average experience person would not.

And I have being dis-engaged from situations that there was no practical/serious reason I should.

No, I am not talking about dating now. At least not only.

Most of the things happening are the effects of my own actions. Of my own choices. Yes, luck plays some role, but not the most important one.

Random thought no1 :

censored

Random thought no2 :

Feel bad about what happened with the Danish folks. Some of them I really miss. Such a pity.

Random thought no3:

I got only one email for the “Black post” asking if everything is ok. Hey maybe what they say about the “up-north” ppl is true. Once you get to be friends, they’re friends forever..

Random thought no4:

New city living around October? And can I take worse weather than this one? To be answered..

It’s 03:00.. and I don’t feel particularly sleepy. Some Tv, a snack, and maybe to bed later.

REPEAT TO SELF:

Tomorrow will be a new day. Sun will be shining (although for that we can’t be really sure around here) and the birds singing. Small friendly walk to local parks suggested. Basketball playing preferred.

Random thought no5:

COMIC SKETCH HANGING ON THE WALL OF THE OLD OFFICE OF MY DAD’s WHEN I WAS LIKE 10 YEARS OLD.

IT READS:

“I WAS SAD THAT I HAD NO SHOES.

THEN I SAW SOMEONE WITH NO LEGS.”

Accept who you are 100% and spread it  around. Kill the ego, and accept “bad luck” as an appetizer for real happiness. Live each day as if it was the last. Share happiness – share sadness.

Take life as it comes. If life gives you lemons…

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Remember the “bitch” from this one ?

Today, she came by my office, around noon, at the lunch break.

Girl: “Hey, was it you yesterday at the supermarket?”

Me: “uhm, yes?” (thinking : is she going to punch me now!?)

Girl: “I wasn’t that talkative yesterday was I?”

Me: “uhmm, not reaally..?”

Girl: “I apologize”

Girl: “How long have you being here?”

Me: “2 months, you?”

Girl: “Nine years”

bla

bla

bla

Girl: “Ok we should have a coffee someday so I can apologize”

Me: “it’s ok don’t worry”

Heh, funny that.. Too bad I’m not into her – like AT ALL. But ok, I’ll have to take back “bitch”. I think it’s just a computer-people thing. Lack of social skills.

Back from the doc.. .I’ll live! yeaaaai Now rest of the week? Shopping.. Maybe some light going out (would be nice to have some “strange”) and friday:

A – P – E – R – O – S

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I went to work a bit late… Woke up on time but didn’t feel like preparing… Looong breakfast, TV..

Monday’s suck. I went work but didn’t really feel like working. Why? Cause Last days I am doing repetitive – dull – work. Anyway, hope this will change soon – otherwise I doubt I’m staying there for long.

As I was working for some mysterious reason I daydreamed of my Greek island vacations in Syros! those were the good times.. I’d trade anything to have that again.

Anyway, the workday ended and I headed towards the supermarket. Once more I had to do the detour, carry everything I could to my workbag/handback/shoulderbag (I dont know how the fuck to call it), wait like 20 people in front of me to the cashiers.. ( I am definitely moving to a new neighborhood after September. Seriously, here where I leave, there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.)

Where was I ? Ah yes, so I was waiting to pay in the supermarket so in front of me I see this girl who works in the same floor as I do. Not attractive or anything like that. So I’m like, well, let’s be social. NOOOT A GOOD IDEA. I go “hey, hi” – she turns with a look in her face “what the fuck do you want you are trying to hit on me?” – and she goes “yes?” – And I go “we work together – in the same floor – etc etc”

and she goes “oh , ok.. and?” with a look that said “So fucking what?” – I go “ye ok, forget it” and we spent the whole time waiting to pay without exchanging ONE word.

When she finally paid in front of me she said ” a demain ” which means ” see you tomorrow ” – and of course I did not answer back.

Stupid bitch.

I’ll soon post about my “Black” post – cause some of you said I shouldn’t post it all if I wasn’t going to get into details. No reason to worry (I guess?) .

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While still having in mind the thing I have to finally do etc etc, I spent last days having some fun.

Friday we went to the APEROS URBAINS – an open air fest that I knew already from last year – I went there when I came for my first interview.

It was awesome – people , alcohol , music. We had loads of alcohol, maybe too much at some point, and we literally.. danced! Shit, I had been years since I’ve danced.

I spent lots of my thinking time (you know – when riding the metro to and from work ) to understand dating habits over here. I had some weird let’s call them moments, girls over here can be very flirtatious – although not really searching for something more. It can be “disturbing” let’s say to be flirted as a guy (especially a greek one). Pleasant of course. It came to mind things that ‘K’ used to tell me about flirting up north. Now I finally get it. (Don’t know if I like it..)

So, quite some dating these last days, although never going after the “1st” date. The girls are alright but I just don’t.. feel any connection. I think I’m not so much into French-speakers/speaking. Remember you can’t really have fun or make fun in a language you don’t master. I only can do that with English and Greek. Speaking of which: I dated a greek. Of course it didn’t last that long (aka more than 2 dates) it was fun to see how dating is in your native language! It has been YEARS since I’ve done it. Some good points and some bad points, it  was so interesting to see the differences, between communication and mentality. This way you know what to appreciate each time. People are different, they don’t behave in the same way.

NOTE TO SELF: DON’T EXPECT PEOPLE TO BEHAVE THE WAY YOU’D LIKE THEM TO.

I got some emotional roller-coasters last week. I don’t know, I feel as if summer is not really Brussels’ best season. I don’t have any paid holidays for the summertime so I will have to be here – not that I don’t like it – but I fear most of the people will be away. If this happens, it is going to get pretty lonely in Brussels. Would be nice to plan some long weekend getaways. I will leave even if I have to leave alone – although I will probably be able to organize something with someone. [no clue with who just thinking positive]

Yesterday I discovered something and I got a bit (..) worried. I’m going to the doctor first thing on Monday. Everyone knows I’m hypochondriac but seriously there’s reason to worry this time. I guess we’ll soon know.

Have to run, but I’ll come after my check-up with the doc, and if the news are good, I’ll just be positive about everything and everyone !

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