Although it was sunny throught the day, somewhere around 18:00 clouds appeared, and at the moment it’s really windy. Probably a good evening to spend inside today, after a long walk in the town center.

Miles Davis will be owning my Spotify list together with some movies&books I haven’t really yet decided. I think I’ll re-watch some silly comedy romance movie, with Jennifer Aniston and the like.

I think I start to realize how much I’ll miss Aix En Provence when I leave, now that it’s getting closer and closer. But what is it that you miss? Is it buildings, monuments, parties? Is it people? Everything together? Maybe.

It is a strong need to re-live everything exactly as you did. And the Milan Kundera quote comes to mind for once more:

Human time does not turn in a circle; it runs ahead in a straight line. That is why man cannot be happy: happiness is the longing for repetition.

So true.

But let’s see, as the job situation is not moving as I expected it to, staying in France and most particularly Paris seems to be a more and more a possible scenario. Which OK it wasn’t the ideal, cause that way the “3rd country” plan won’t realize.

Back to the weather, I’ve always doubted whether I’m a summer-type or a winter-type. It’s strange but winter weather gives you a feeling of protection and comfort. Would that explain my tendency to move to the north? I suppose it has to do with some weird psychological combination of weather and emotions but I don’t want to analyze it more.

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Things doesn’t seem so bright lately. Of course everything is just a matter of point of view but frankly my point of view right now is really shitty.

I guess my stupid brain chemical balances or out of .. balance  .. again maybe due to lack of sleep, but in any case, my perceived sense of reality isn’t so different from the ACTUAL reality.

Going back THERE and thinking more about “Would this happen if the other one didnt happen” sequence of events, this time I’m mostly thinking WHO THE FUCK UP THERE IS MESSING UP with my life scenarios. I hope he has a good plan for the rest cause FRANKLY, I’M FED UP with all the different bullshit going on, tough decisions and the like.

Yeap, we have a crisis. Small one, big one, time will tell, but for now I’m putting off fires all over the place. The next two months will be a great challenge. Nothing like ever before. Until now I had support from back home, now I will have to go 100% alone ahead. It’s fucking scary if you ask me. And it sucks more when you think you’re alone. Well, not all alone. But more or less.

The STUPID FINANCIAL CRISIS is giving me a headache, an ulcer and the like, and honestly we’re pretty much desperate. Being a waiter is not really my ideal scenario but I’ll do it no second thoughts if I have to.

Anyway, I’ll try to get myself some time-off everything and I’ll write you back later or the next days.

Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. I guess.

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